let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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