I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Randomize
