I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
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what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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