you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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