I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
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I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
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the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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