Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize