so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
