I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
