So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
