last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
