I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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