Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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