I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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