Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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