Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
