Plan B is the new Plan A
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
