but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
