How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
