you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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