Your face is a jimmy john
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
