strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
