Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You're like the curious george of whores
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
