Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
