And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
