Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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