I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
