Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
we're so committed to being not committed
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
