There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
