Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a fireplace last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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