All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
