saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
