haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i out mim tonsoeep
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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