The maid of honor just puked.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
