What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
