uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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