It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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