im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
