my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
