from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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