Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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