I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
