i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
