I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
