New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
