of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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