Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
