i jhust puked up my retainher.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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