do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
