So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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