Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
