ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You're like the curious george of whores
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
