I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize