I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
