I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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